You Belong With Me
by smittenbyfiction
Summary: Garcia always thought she knew what she wanted from her life. Kevin's departure after the latest case sets off a series of events that will forever alter the course of her life. PostS7. AU. Pen/Derek, JJ/Reid, Hotch/Emily.
1. Didn't We Almost Have It All?

Title: You Belong With Me  
Rating: T for now. Mentions of child abuse/neglect, death. Might be M later on in regards to sexual interactions.  
Summary: Garcia always thought she knew what she wanted from her life. Kevin's departure after the latest case sets off a series of events that will forever alter the course of her life.  
Background: Post S7. Somewhat AU. Kevin leaving is totally a figment of my imagination. As is the fact that JJ is no longer with Will.  
Author's Note: I've never written a Criminal Minds fanfiction. So please, be kind. This is my first.  
Disclaimer: I don't own Criminal Minds or any of the characters. They all belong to their respective owners.

**A/N: The lyrics in this chapter are "Adele: Turning Tables" – I do not claim ownership of them.**

* * *

_Close enough to start a war  
All that I have is on the floor  
God only knows what we're fighting for  
All that I say, you always say more  
_

Penelope sat back in her apartment with a glass of wine in her pajamas going over the case files from the assignment that hasn't stopped haunting her since they left the orphanage. She didn't know why she just couldn't let this one go.

They had cases involving children before. She always took it harder than usual and harder than everyone else – but still she couldn't stop going over it in her head. Someone should have been watching over those kids. None of this would have happened if CPS and Department of Health and Human Services had been doing their jobs.

The phone ringing in her apartment brought her out of her thoughts, as she got up to look and see who was calling her on a Friday evening. Since her and Kevin broke up two months ago after he got his promotion and she refused to move overseas with him, she'd become a social hermit. She was a little surprised to see Derek's number on the line, especially considering they'd grown pretty far apart the last few months. His new girlfriend, Janie – didn't like her at all, and it caused a great deal of tension between them.

Frowning a bit as she hesitated to answer the phone, she decides to let it go to her answering machine going back to sit on the couch she hears Derek's voice reverberate through her silent apartment, causing her stomach to clench nervously.

"_Hey baby girl, just calling to see how you're doing. We haven't seen much of each other lately, and JJ told me you were staying in tonight instead of coming out with us so I just wanted to make sure everything was okay. Call me back when you get this, I don't care what time it is okay? Bye."_

Her heart felt like it was going to break after listening to his concern over her answering machine. She knew he was probably confused about why she had been so distant lately, but after listening to him talk to Rossi about how much he liked Janie she wasn't going to be the reason another one of his relationships didn't work out. It was better if there was a bit of distance between them. The only reason Kevin didn't say anything about their friendship is because the first time he had, she made it perfectly clear to him if he made her choose between him and Derek – he wasn't going to like her decision. That was the end of that argument.

She wasn't so sure it would be the same way when it came time for Derek to choose between her and Janie.

Putting thoughts of her and Derek to the back of her mind, Penelope grabs her phone as she wanders back to the couch near her files. As she dials her old friend Marcus, her thoughts wander to the last case.

_I can't keep up with your turning tables  
Under your thumb, I can't breathe_

_So I won't let you close enough to hurt me_  
_No, I won't ask you, you to just desert me_  
_I can't give you, what you think you give me_  
_It's time to say goodbye to turning tables_  
_To turning tables_

_[flashback]_

_Nausea came over her too quick for her to stop as she ran towards the toilet throwing up what little contents she had left in her stomach from her coffee and bagel she'd nibbled on this morning. _

_The pictures were awful. Those little children, buried and hidden in the sewer system for the last five years all because the orphanage that had taken them in realized they'd had special needs and would never be adopted. _

_It was all about money, and making space for socially desirable kids. _

_Her body starts to shake as she starts sobbing, her heart breaking as she imagines the terror those children had probably felt living in the hellhole with those monsters who were supposed to be responsible for their care, safety and love. _

"_Garcia?"_

_Quieting herself down, Penelope looks up at the mirror, noticing her puffy red eyes making it impossible for her to hide what she'd been doing from Rossi. _

"_Uh… what's up?" She asks as she turns the sink on, splashing cold water on her face trying to make herself somewhat presentable. _

"_We're going home. The flight leaves in 20 minutes. Are you alright?"_

"_Yes, I'm fine. I'll be out in a few minutes."_

_She wasn't sure if the silence on the other side of the door meant he believed her and had left or not so she waited a little bit until she heard him speak. _

"_Okay."_

_Letting out a breath of relief, she slides back down to the floor giving herself ample time to calm down before she left the bathroom to face her coworkers. _

_[end of flashback]_

"Penelope," Marcus answers the phone – his voice has a tone of understanding, as if he was expecting her to call. "What can I do for you dear?"

Blowing out a breath of anxiety, she feels her eyes start to water again against her will. She'd called her childhood friend Marcus as soon as she got on the plane. She knew with his family's money and connections, he could make sure everything would be taken care of down there. His family's foundation was known for being extremely helpful when it came to kids in any sort of trouble.

"You can tell me what happened to those kids that were left at the orphanage, Mark. I can't get the image of them out of my head; I just need to know they're being taken care of this time around."

"CPS, the FBI, the State Department, the Attorney General's office, and every other agency involved in the welfare of children who are wards of the state are taking care of that place now. The kids have been temporarily moved to a different facility while the orphanage undergoes a remodeling and cleanup. They're being taken care of Penny, I promise," Mark responds.

Nodding in acceptance as she feels a weight come off of her heart, she gets up the courage to ask him what she'd really been wanting. "How's Maddie doing?"

Chuckling in awareness of what she'd really been looking for, Mark responds quietly- "She's okay. Is that why you called Pen? Do you want to see her?"

"Could I?" Penelope asked quickly, as if she was afraid he was going to say no.

"Of course you can. From what CPS told me that girl never really took to anyone like she did with you. It might do her some good to see a familiar friendly face."

"Okay,.. okay" letting out a sigh in relief she looked over at the clock noticing it was getting a little late at night. "I should go, I'll see you tomorrow Mark?"

"Yes, I'll see you tomorrow. Call me when you're on your way to the facility, I'll give you directions and meet you there."

_Under haunted skies I see you, ooh  
Where love is lost, your ghost is found  
I braved a hundred storms to leave you  
As hard as you try, no I will never be knocked down  
I can't keep up with your turning tables  
Under your thumb, I can't breathe_

* * *

Penelope was glad Hotch had given everyone the weekend off, as she parked her rental car in front of the house Marcus told her Maddie was staying in for the time being, she noticed how much nicer it was compared to the broken down orphanage she had first seen the little girl in. The weather was nice today, unlike the week long gray showers that she had experienced the first time around. She grabbed her purse as she saw Marcus wave to her from the porch of the house, she got out of the car – with butterflies in her stomach – as she walked up to the home.

_[Flashback]_

_Walking into the orphanage, she was pretty sure this place resembled more a hospital or jail facility. The bars on the windows, flickering florescent lights, smells of bleach in the air, lack of color in anything in the building – everything was gray, black, white, or beige – something completely neutral and lacking in life, just like this place. _

_She heard the distinct shrill voice of an elderly lady scolding a little girl who scattered out of the room in front of her and ran into her knees as she was looking behind her looking as if she was getting away from someone or something._

"_Madelyn! You stupid child! Why do you always have to fucking wet the bed? Can't you do anything right you brat?" _

_Feeling her stomach churn and body flush in anger for the poor child who was shaking and hiding against the wall, Garcia watches as the woman walks out of the room with the bedding while muttering to herself she disappears down the hallway._

_The little girl was tiny, pale with blonde hair that most people have to pay hundreds of dollars to imitate. She had bright green eyes and looked like she hadn't eaten well as she was skinny as a pole. Her pajamas looked like she'd outgrown them years ago, and the holes sporadically placed on them didn't make it look any more comfortable. Her arm clutched a worn Elmo bear as if she was holding on to him for dear life. She hadn't moved at all since Garcia spotted her, as if she was trying to make herself invisible. Suddenly as if she felt someone's eyes on her, the little girl looked up – her eyes widening in what looked like fear as she noticed Garcia watching her. _

"_Hi there," Garcia says quietly as she approaches the little girl, making sure to keep some space between them as she watches her arm tighten in fear around Elmo. The little girl doesn't say anything – just keeps watching her wearily. "My name is Penny. You're Madelyn right?"_

_The little girl keeps quiet, scooting a little closer to Penelope, in a small sign of trust or curiosity. _

"_I like Elmo too. Is that your only friend here?" Penelope says, nodding towards the bear she'd been holding on to. _

_Madelyn nods slowly, still not speaking. She holds out Elmo for Penelope to see, noting his arm is torn the white stuffing inside the bear is showing._

"_Oh no, did Elmo get hurt?"_

_Nodding again as her lips start quivering, Penelope feels her heart start to crush into a million pieces. How does anyone not want to do everything they can to protect this beautiful little girl?_

_Quickly rummaging through her purse for a band-aid, Penelope pulls out one out of her small first aid kit she carries around, noticing Madelyn watching her curiously._

"_We should probably put a band-aid on that; make him feel better, huh?" Penelope says as she shows her the band-aid she was holding then holds out both her hands. "Can I see Elmo?"_

_Madelyn's eyes widened in fear at losing her friend, she quickly scooted back away from Penelope and tightened both arms around Elmo. _

"_Okay, okay. Never mind. Why don't you just hold him and I'll put it on him, okay? You don't need to give him to me, I promise," Penelope said quickly backtracking noticing there was still a small amount of hesitation in Madelyn's composure. "Just show me where his boo-boo is, it'll be quick. You can hold him the whole time so he doesn't get scared too," she reassured the little girl. _

_Looking as if she was weighing her options, Madelyn eventually scooted back closer and held him out still keeping one arm around him. Penelope put one of her colorful Band-Aids on his arm, successfully covering up the white that was showing. _

"_There we go, all better," Penelope says, giving Madelyn a smile of encouragement. She watches as the little girl looks over her bear in amazement before her eyes widen in fear again as the lady who was yelling at her makes her way back down the hallway. She quickly scoots and hides behind Penelope's legs, her quick decision that Pen was a trustworthy adult that would protect her made Penelope's heart soar. _

_Right then and there she decided - She would make sure nothing else happened to those kids if it was the last thing she did._

_[End of flashback]_

As she walks in with Marcus, she hears him greet the female adult in the room as her eyes scan over her surroundings trying to locate Madelyn. It felt like it had been ages since she'd seen her, and she needed to make sure she was really okay after everything that had happened. That little girl had unknowingly grabbed ahold of heart and she wasn't sure what she was going to do when she had to leave her again in a few hours.

She spots her sitting on the floor looking through a phone book curiously, holding on tightly to her Elmo friend. As if she feels someone's gaze on her, Madelyn looks up from the floor – a light, curious expression taking over her face as she notices Penelope standing across the room from her. Not wanting to frighten the little girl, Pen waves and smiles brightly at her as she slowly makes her way towards her.

"Hi Madelyn," Pen says quietly, as she sits on the floor near her.

The little girl doesn't respond, but keeps giving her a look of confusion.

"Are you reading the phone book?" Penelope keeps talking, trying to engage some sort of positive reaction from her. Madelyn looked a lot better than the last time she'd seen her. She was wearing clothes that actually fit her, and looked as if she'd taken a shower and had her hair brushed – not full of knots and grease showing extreme signs of neglect like it had looked a few days ago.

Some silence remained between them, 'causing Pen to feel a little disheartened, until she noticed Madelyn show her Elmo's arm, still had her band-aid on it although it looked as though it was falling off because of the adhesive losing its effect after some wear it had gone through the last few days.

Her eyes watered, as she watched Madelyn give her a small smile – those two actions giving her hope that the little girl remembered her. She had an overwhelming urge to smother her with hugs, kisses and cuddles – her motherly instincts coming into full effect as she realized she was already in love with this child. She wasn't sure how her affections would be received so she settled for giving her a bright smile back, and wiping back her tears in an effort to not scare her.

She feels a pair of eyes watching them, turning around to see Marcus and the female in charge of the group watching her interaction with Madelyn. "I'll be right back sweetie, okay?"

The little girl gives her a skeptical look before hugging her Elmo tighter, and looking back down to the phone book – effectively dismissing Pen from her presence.

Pen lets out a sigh as she realizes Madelyn probably had gotten used to people leaving so often, it didn't even faze her anymore. She probably didn't think anyone would ever come back. Walking back over to where Mark and his friend were standing, she forces a smile on her face as she puts her hand out in an effort to greet them.

"Hi, I'm Penelope Garcia."

"I know, Marcus has told me a lot about you. It's great to meet you Ms. Garcia, I'm Taylor Hanes," the older lady responded with a soft, kind voice – a harsh contrast to the last woman Pen had seen be put in charge of these children's welfare.

"Please, it's Penelope or Penny – Ms. Garcia makes me feel so old," Pen responds, adding a laugh at the end of her sentence.

"Okay," Taylor responds laughing along with her. "Penny it is then!"

Her enthusiasm was contagious, giving the room an added sense of vitality that probably would be really healthy for the children that were there. That was something that gave her a little bit of extra peace of mind.

"I was just telling Mark here how great it is that you bonded with Maddie the way you did. With her developmental issues, it's doubtful she'll get adopted so she'll need as much positive adult interaction as possible while she's under our care until she turns eighteen," Taylor says kindly and quietly as if she didn't want anyone to hear what she was saying. "Maybe you can come by and visit her every once in a while if you have a chance."

Penelope gives her a look of confusion, her heart stopping as she feels her stomach drop at the awful news she was just given. The soft but knowing way Taylor had said what she did made her feel disheartened. Is that how the system worked? The ones that were the neediest were the ones that were continuously overlooked? How was that fair at all?

Looking back at the little girl obliviously flipping through the phone book, unaware of the hardships she would have to keep enduring for the rest of her life. She'd already been through way too much for anyone to have to experience in their life, much less a child.

"What if I adopted her?" Penelope said quietly, as she kept her gaze on Madelyn.

Taylor just gives her a look of shock as Marcus smiles knowingly to himself, crossing his arms as he lets out a chuckle of acknowledgement. He knew all he had to do was put her in the same room as Madelyn and Pen would fall deeper in love with the little girl. He had to admit, if he didn't know their histories you would have thought those two were mother and daughter anyway. The similarities between their looks were astounding to an outsider.

"Penelope," Taylor begins, looking over at the woman next to her with a confused expression – "Maddie is developmentally behind all her peers. She's three years old, has never spoken a word, is uncomfortable with touches and often avoids interactions with other children and adults, mostly lost in her own thoughts. She needs stability and repetitive daily routines, a parent with a lot of time, love, dedication and resources to be able to help her grow. Our developmental psychologists are convinced she has some form of Autism or developmental delay. But since she refuses to talk or interact with most of them, it's just a guessing game at this point."

"I know. I love her already Taylor," Penelope says, her eyes watering as she tears her eyes away from Maddie and looks back at them. "That child right there has something so special inside of her but her life is so miserable, because she thinks that nobody wants her. I can be a great mother to that little girl, I don't care about her age, mental status, or history. I can help her find what makes her special, and unique. More than that, I want to be the one who does that."

Marcus keeps smiling widely at the two of them as he watches Taylor gage Penelope in a whole new light – both their mother hen roles making them extremely protective of that child in front of them. This is why he put Taylor in charge of these kids. She immediately took them all under her wing as if she was their own guardian. Suddenly, Taylor's gaze turns into one of peace as she smiles at Penelope – obviously seeing something in her that made her trust the woman in front of her with one of her children.

"Okay."

Taylor responds quietly, smiling at Penelope – all of them turning their gazes back to the little girl who was blissfully unaware of how much her world had just changed in the last few minutes.

_So I won't let you close enough to hurt me, no  
I won't ask you, you to just desert me  
I can't give you, what you think you give me  
It's time to say goodbye to turning tables  
Turning tables_

* * *

Taking Madelyn home with her was going to be easier than any of them thought, with Pen already being a registered foster parent, she had been taking classes through the local family guidance center – a non-profit agency that provided psychological benefits for free for children, as well as parenting courses, anger management classes, group therapy classes and social adjustment classes near her neighborhood. She also volunteered there as an art therapy teacher whenever she had time.

Between Marcus and Taylor, they had filled out all the paperwork for the past two hours, Taylor even calling in a favor to a judge friend of hers to make it so Pen could take emergency foster placement status of Maddie. Now, Pen had a two weeks to get her apartment childproofed and ready for inspection by whichever case-worker would be assigned to her and Maddie by CPS to make sure that they not only adjust well to each other but that Maddie is being looked after in a safe and secure environment.

All they had left to do was tell Maddie about her new home with Pen.

As they approached the library where they had been told by the afternoon caretakers Maddie had been hiding out they heard the sound of giggles coming from the chair that was facing the window, a look of shock coming over all their faces as they saw Maddie sitting there, Elmo right by her side as she held a book on her lap and giggled again before turning the page.

The sound was so warming to her heart that Penelope thought she was going to burst in excitement. If all she needed to do was buy some books to make Maddie smile, she'd buy out every Barnes & Noble and Borders within a fifty mile radius.

Pen walks forward hoping her presence doesn't put a damper in Maddie's mood, she notices Marcus and Taylor stay back and let her approach the little girl on her own.

"Hi again Maddie," Pen says softly smiling at her. She crouches down in front of her chair at her level, Maddie's mood wasn't quite as bright, but curious as she watched her cautiously. Her hands tightened on the book on her lap as silence took over their interaction again.

Pen let Maddie study her, watching as she looked her over for what felt like hours until she finally loosened her hands on the book and smiled brightly at Pen.

Penelope smiled widely right back at her deciding now would be a good time to talk to her about the upcoming changes in both their lives.

"Maddie, we haven't known each other long have we?"

The little girl shakes her head quickly answering her question with gust.

"Do you trust me?"

Maddie looks over at the Penny – the nice lady with the colorful clothes who hid her from the mean lady in her last home. She didn't know why, but she felt like she liked her. So she nodded, watching as Penny smiled wider at her.

"Good. How would you and Elmo like to come live with me?" Pen asks, watching closely for any time of reaction from the meek child.

Maddie looks at Pen with a confused head tilt.

'_Live with Penny like a mommy?'_ Maddie thought to herself confusedly.

Penny watches the reactions on Maddie's face – confusion and a flash of fear that came and left just as fast. She wasn't sure what her silence meant, standing up as she was about to walk over to Marcus and Taylor to ask them to help her out in talking to Maddie to try and make this transient easier on her when she felt a small butterfly touch graze her hand and grab ahold of her pinky finger. Her heart lodges itself in her throat, her eyes start to well up as she looks back down to the curious face of the little girl who had stolen her heart.

A small smile comes over Maddie's face as she opens her mouth, shocking the adults in the room as she speaks.

"Mama?" She asks curiously at Penny.

No one says a word as they watch the three year old – not quite believing what had just happened.

"Penny mama?" Maddie asks again, her hand still holding tightly to Penelope's pinky finger.

Pen feels a tear slide down her cheek as her heart feels like it's expanding in excitement. She lets out a laugh before crouching back down on the floor to be at eye level with the toddler.

"Yeah," Pen whispers smiling and wiping away her tears with her free hand before repeating Maddie's question as a confident statement. There wasn't any turning back now.

"Penny mama."

_Next time I'll be braver  
I'll be my own savior  
When the thunder calls for me  
Next time I'll be braver  
I'll be my own savior  
Standing on my own two feet_

_I won't let you close enough to hurt me, no_  
_I won't ask you, you to just desert me_  
_I can't give you, what you think you give me_  
_It's time to say goodbye to turning tables_  
_To turning tables_  
_Turning tables, yeah_  
_Turning ohh_

_**AN: What'd you think? Please comment if you read it, I'm not sure if anyone will like where I'm going with this so if I'm going to continue it I need to know other people are reading it too. Next chapter, Pen & Maddie settle in together. Maddie meets the gang and attaches herself to a specific group member. And Pen takes Maddie to the guidance center to see if they can help her open up a bit. For my other loyal fans, Five Stages of Grieving, The Other Grey's Anatomy and This Ruined Puzzle will be updated in the next week or two. Thanks for being so patient :)  
**_


	2. The Other Side of This Life

**AN: Thank you so much for all your comments, story and author alerts! Special thanks to anyone who took the time to comment! I appreciate it!  
**

**Check out my profile for a link to Maddie's picture. (Or at least what I picture her like...)  
**

* * *

**Chapter Two: The Other Side of This Life**

It took Penny and Maddie all of two minutes to gather up the stuff Maddie grabbed when Penny asked her if she wanted to take anything with her. Maddie ran up to her room, as if she was scared Penny wasn't going to be there when she got back, grabbed a baby blanket that was torn and tattered and dragged Elmo out of the room as she sped through the house making her way back to Penelope.

As she ran back into the living room, she ran straight towards Pen, her previous inhibitions about contact with other people seemingly disappeared when it came to her and Penny now. Her arms attached themselves to Penny's legs, everyone quietly watching as Elmo and the blanket was squished between them. Maddie didn't seem to realize just how gigantic the moment was between her and the adults in the room as they looked around at each other with smiles on their faces.

Pen didn't realize she could get any happier with life when Maddie first grabbed her finger and smiled and spoke to her. She hadn't said anything else after that, but the fact that she was quickly losing her fear and inhibitions around touching Pen said a lot about how much potential love and affection the little girl had been holding back from other people. Pen was stuck between wanting to grab her and smother her with hugs and kisses, and giving her space and time to make those steps on her own.

"Okay, I think we better go if we're going to make it back to D.C. before it's too late," Pen states as she stands up, a toddler attached to her leg still. She reaches down to cautiously run her hands down her hair in a soothing manner. Feeling Maddie's cheek lay on her leg as she keeps running her hands, she feels a sense of relief that her touch had been well received by the skittish toddler.

"Alright, call us when you get there okay? So we don't worry ourselves to death all night," Marcus says, giving Penny a hug of encouragement, making sure to sidestep the child at her leg.

Taylor just watches the two girls, her heart bursting with excitement for the two of them. She could see now what Marcus was talking about when he mentioned the idea of Penny being a good mother figure for Maddie. She was skeptical at first; the little girl had a lot of things holding her back from being seen as a good candidate for adoption, and if she wasn't so out of her prime child raising years she probably would have considered taking her in herself. But this was definitely much better for the little girl.

She had a feeling Penelope needed Maddie just as much as Maddie needed her.

"Thank you, for everything you guys," Penny says, her voice cracking with emotion as she reaches over to hug Taylor before the older woman can protest.

"No, thank you dear," Taylor responds, her raspy voice sounding just as emotional as Penny's, "I'm just glad you and Maddie found each other. You guys be safe, okay?"

Nodding in agreement, Pen grabbed Maddie's hand that was holding on to her leg walking out to the SUV she had rented to make the long five hour drive to the small town in Virginia. The car had a built in car seat, but Penny wasn't sure she was too comfortable with Maddie – her being so small and fragile – riding in it without some extra security an actual installed car seat could offer her. So she'd sent Marcus out on a car seat hunt while her and Taylor finished filling out paperwork, he even installed it for her which she was very glad for, because she was pretty sure she wouldn't have any idea how to put that thing in there herself without some serious assistance.

Spencer had to help her install her seat she had in her car at home for Henry, and she never took it back out in case she would have to put it back in herself one day and end up not knowing how to do it.

As the approached the car, Penny opened the door and crouched down to speak to Maddie at her eye level. She knew kids felt more at ease when adults didn't tower over them. That way there wasn't such an obvious sign of power between the adult and the child, as opposed to a mutual loving relationship.

"I'm going to put you in the car seat now, so you can be safe and protected as we drive to my apartment, you new home Maddie," Pen explains to the little girl. She was trying to make this transition as smooth as possible for her, especially given the fact that a lot of things in her life were going to be completely changed from anything she had ever known in her short little life. She figured if she kept communicating with Maddie, the little girl would hopefully not be as frightened knowing what was going on and what was happening in the near future.

Maddie nods in understanding, letting Pen pick her up and buckle in before she hands her Elmo and the blanket she was carrying around with her. After making sure she was secure, and not frightened – she turned around to see Marcus running towards her, a pink bag in tow.

"Wait a sec Pen!"

Smiling at the image of Marcus' manly frame toting around a large pink tote, she smiles at her friend keeping Maddie's door open while she waits for him, not wanting to frighten her thinking she was going to be left alone in the car.

"I got this for you at the store too," Marcus says, handing the bag over to Penny – scratching the back of his head in a sign of discomfort.

When Penny opens the bag, she sees a bag of diapers, wipes, a princess Sippy cup, an extra pair of clothes and some snacks and juice drinks she could pour in the cup. All in all it looked like a bag of essentials any parent would take whenever they would leave the home with their child. Her eyes teared up as it hit her full force that she was officially a mother. She had a beautiful little girl who would need to be tucked in, cuddled, loved, fed, taken care of – she was responsible for someone else's well being now. Her life wasn't just about her anymore. It felt incredible. A mixture of fear and excitement bubbled inside her when she looked up and saw Marcus smiling at her knowingly she threw her arms around him and squealed as she hugged him.

His deep laughter as he hugged her back with just as much vigor lightened the whole atmosphere.

"Thank you Mark! This is amazing! I was just thinking about how I have absolutely nothing ready for any of this."

"No thanks needed, I was happy to get you two going…. You have a big heart, a home, and plenty of love to give her Penny. Everything else, you can buy – but that stuff is priceless," Mark says quietly, watching as the little girl sits in the car content with her surroundings as she looks around the car curiously taking in everything around her.

"We'll call you when we get back tonight. It probably won't be till late though," Pen says putting the bag over her shoulder and stepping behind her to put her hand on the door as she gets ready to close the car and make her way home with Maddie.

"I don't care babe, I won't be able to sleep till I know you're both safe anyway," Marcus responds knowingly and shoving his hands in his pockets giving her a last smile of encouragement.

It was a bittersweet moment. He knew that. She was taking a second to take everything in that had happened in the last 12 hours. And just like that, she quickly shut the door before rushing back in to get in the driver's seat.

As the car drove away and Penny waved back to him, Mark couldn't help but grin as he watched Maddie imitate Penny from the back seat waving to him as well.

* * *

The five hour ride back took seven hours total, making it so they didn't get home till two in the morning with Penny stopping more times than she normally would. She was giving herself ample time to make sure Maddie was fed and her diaper remained clean so she wouldn't get a rash from sitting in anything for too long. For the most part Maddie was content to sit quietly in the back looking out the window as Penny drove, keeping the radio on low so the sound wouldn't overwhelm the toddler's sensitive ear drums.

When they arrived back home, Penny parked in the parking garage for her apartment and turned off the car before looking back in the backseat seeing Maddie asleep contently in her seat. Even in her deep slumber, Elmo remained in a tight grip in her little arms. Deciding to leave most of their stuff in the car till later, Pen just grabbed the pink tote that had all of Maddie's items and put it on the floor beside the car as she opened the back seat and quietly took the sleeping toddler into her arms, careful to not frighten or wake her. In her deep slumber, Maddie snuggled instantly into the crook of Penelope's neck – as if she'd done it a million times before with ease and seeking comfort.

Penelope smiles to herself as she feels her heart expand in her chest in sheer happiness. She reaches down to grab her purse, careful to not topple over with the extra weight that she's carrying in her arms. A familiar dark arm gets to the bag before she can, her heart lodging in her throat as she looks up and sees Derek giving her a look of confusion and astonishment.

His eyebrows burrow as he keeps looking between her and a sleeping Maddie as if he's trying to figure out what was going on. She starts to feel a little uncomfortable under his gaze, so she starts walking towards her apartment, feeling him close behind her as they make their way to the elevator. The silence – an unusual atmosphere around them – makes her uncomfortable. Once she makes it into her apartment, she heads straight for her bedroom, not having anything else ready for Maddie at the moment she figures the little girl can sleep in her bed with her until they have a chance to go shopping. Slipping her shoes off and tucking her in putting pillows around her to make sure she doesn't roll off her bed since it's pretty high off the floor, she leaves the bedside lamp on low to make sure if Maddie wakes up she doesn't completely freak out. As she leaves, she leaves the door wide open mentally preparing herself to try and explain everything to Derek.

* * *

Sitting by himself in the living room that he used to spend countless hours and days in for the past almost eight years, Derek found himself wondering when his relationship with his baby girl got to a point where he didn't even know what was going on in her life. Like when he found out this afternoon after running into Kevin at the mall when he was with Janie that Penelope had broken up with Kevin two, almost three months ago – and never told anyone.

Kevin seemed surprised, almost a little pleased, at the shock that had come over Derek when he told him. But according to him, it wasn't a sad or bad break up at all. In fact, he said he was planning on breaking up with her since he was in line for a transfer to another field office, so when she brought it up and did it for him it was fine. She didn't seem upset about it in the least.

Then he tries to consistently get ahold of her for the last 24 hours, even trying to make his way into her apartment when she didn't answer her phone or return any of his messages, but then finds out his key no longer worked, which means she had changed her locks recently and didn't tell him either.

So he waits outside her apartment, like a stalker or a cop on a stakeout – hoping and praying that she shows up soon before he has to call his co-workers and file a missing person's report on her. He saw her pull up in an unrecognizable SUV around two am, so he followed her into the garage. By the time she got out and pulled out a bright pink bag, she opened the back seat, he assumed to grab something else – not SOMEONE else. The little sleeping girl in her arms was the spitting image of Penelope and by the comfortable way they cuddled against each other, he knew there was something deeper about their relationship than his first thought that maybe she was just babysitting for a friend or something.

When she made her way quietly out of the room, he noticed she had changed into a simple cotton nightdress with a matching robe. He had seen her in it before. Countless times.

And every time he saw her in it, he couldn't help but stare at the way it hugged her porcelain skin, and her generous curves. She used to blush like crazy every time he did it – make a flirtatious comment that they both knew neither one of them would follow through with in order to break the sexual tension in the air. Then they'd be back to normal.

Only this time, she avoided sitting by him, opting to sit in the ottoman alone and avoiding his gaze while she gently closed the robe – grasping on to the belt as some sort of security blanket.

He didn't know where to start this conversation. _Was that girl hers?_ Did Pen have a whole secret life that he never knew about? _Was she with someone else now? _And why was she sitting all the way over there?

The phone rang causing them both to jump a little at the noise it had made in the silent apartment. Penelope jumped to answer it – in an effort to quiet the noise in order to not wake Maddie, and to put off her explanations to Derek a little longer.

She smiled softly as she looked at the caller ID, not hesitating when she put the phone to her ear and answered, "Hey Marcus," looking away from Derek who gets an angry look on his face even though she's not sure why. "Yes, Maddie and I made it home okay. I'm sorry I forgot to call you; I just put her to bed less than a minute ago. – Yes, the trip was fine. It took a little longer than normal but she's not used to long car rides so I was being a little overzealous with my pit stops," she adds a laugh at the end of the sentence. "Okay, well take care of yourself handsome…Yes, we'll come back and visit you soon…. Or maybe you can come see us when everything settles down? Alright, good night. I'll talk to you later... – Okay, bye."

Hanging up the phone, Pen sits back down trying to figure out where to start to explain things.

"You have a daughter?"

The slight hurt in Derek's tone of voice makes her stomach clench nervously.

"Yes."

The look of confusion he gives her as he looks back up at her after that one worded answer she gives him, makes her backtrack and try and explain herself a bit.

"She's my foster daughter and I'm in the middle of the adopting process right now."

More silence takes over the room as she watches him nod, the only sign showing that he'd heard what she'd said.

"When?"

Pen, looks up at the clock then back down at him before answering.

"As of 12 hours ago."

Letting out a shaky breath, he pulls her into an unexpected hug feeling her tense a little before she relaxes into his embrace.

"Congrats babygirl."

She feels and hears him whisper in her ear as his arms tighten a little around her.

"That girl doesn't realize how lucky she just got," Derek says pulling back watching as Pen wipes away a stray tear and laughs a little at his comment.

"I'm the lucky one hotshot. She's … " Pen just shakes her head looking back at her room before her eyes start watering again and she looks back over at him ".. she's the best part of my life already."

"Well, I can't wait to meet her - if she's anything like her momma she'll have me wrapped around her finger too," Derek smiles at Penelope watching as she blushes at his comment.

He didn't know when things started to get awkward between them, but he didn't like the distance they had accumulated between each other. He knew he hadn't made as much time for her as he did in the past with him and Janie and what he thought was her and Kevin being together it didn't leave much time for just the two of them. That was a big mistake on his part, and he was set on fixing it now.

Their silence is broken when they hear a heart wrenching cry come from Pen's room causing them both to run in and see a small blonde little thing in Penny's bed thrashing back and forth in what looks like extreme night terrors. Derek stays back, his heart racing as he watches Pen step cautiously beside the bed and kneel, her hand gently brushing back the little girl's sweaty hair as she whispers to her.

"Wake up Maddie, you're just having a nightmare baby – you're safe," Pen whispers a few times until the little girl opens up her eyes, immediately bursting into tears as she wraps her arms around Penny in fear - seeking comfort. Pen rocks her back and forth in her arms, shushing her and reassuring her of her safety as she runs her fingers soothingly through her hair in an effort to calm her down.

If he was the least bit hesitant about the two of them settling with each other, he knew right then and there he didn't need to be. There was an obvious bond between them that he had just witnessed first hand that made him feel like an intruder spying on the mother-daughter moment that was occurring right before his eyes.

His intrusion was made all the more evident when the little girl noticed him standing there watching them, he saw her tighten her arms and hide her face from him in Penelope's neck in an effort to hide herself from him – he was pretty sure it was in fear and the fact that she automatically had those self preservation skills developed at such a young age made him incredibly sad for her.

"Maddie," Penny whispers as she keeps running her fingers soothingly in the little girl's hair, "Come on, let's get you changed pretty girl."

Looking up in apology towards Derek, Pen notices him shake his head and wave for her to take the little girl to the bathroom – not worry about him. He also sees the wet spot on the bed where the little girl was laying, a mixture of sweat and urine he would imagine, probably due to her night terrors he had just witnessed. He hears the water turn on in the bathroom, figuring Penny is probably giving the little girl a quick soothing warm bath, he decides to grab some clean sheets out of her linen closet and sets about getting the bed changed in order to keep his mind from wandering.

A few minutes later, as he's sitting in the living room, he sees Penny walk out of the bedroom holding Maddie and a torn, beat up looking Elmo doll. They sit on the couch next to him, Maddie scooting a little farther away from him as she stares at him inquisitively.

"Maddie."

He hears Penny speak gently to the little girl who seems to relax a little as she hears Penelope's voice.

"I want you to meet a friend of mine. _My best friend in the whole wide world."_

The last sentence, was said with a wide exaggeration and a smile that made the little girl perk up curiously and look back over at Derek.

"Elmo?"

Maddie looks back over at Derek and Penny then Elmo in slight confusion.

"Yeah. He's my Elmo."

Derek tried to pretend that the fact that she just said he was hers didn't just make his heart constrict in his chest like it was doing right now.

"His name Elmo?"

Penny and Derek chuckled at the logic Maddie was following as she glanced back and forth between them.

"No his name is Derek."

"Dewik?"

Both adults nod and smile at the lack of pronunciation with her "r" in regards to his name. It just sounded more adorable the way she said it.

"Nice to meet you Maddie."

Derek nods and smiles gently at the little girl who didn't seem as frightened but still looked at him wearily.

"I should head home. It's getting late." He says, watching as Maddie cuddles into the crook of Penny's neck, making herself comfortable on her lap. With the amount of comfort they had between each other, it was pretty rare considering they hadn't known each other that long. But then again, he shouldn't be surprised. He'd always known Penelope had taken a mother hen role with anyone she was around; it wasn't a stretch to see her fall into her role as Maddie's mom with such grace and fluidness.

"Okay. I took another week off work. I haven't told anyone about this yet, we're still trying to get settled in – so…"

"I got it," Derek nods in understanding, his hands making a zip motion on his lip before his next statement. "My lips are sealed until you're ready babygirl."

Blowing out some air in relief, Pen's eyes soften and he can see her guard lowering itself as she looks back down at the sleeping toddler in her arms, her fingers soothingly running through her locks.

"You should get going Derek," Pen says, not looking up from where her eyes were currently glued to Maddie. "Janie's probably getting concerned."

Derek's brows furrow a bit in confusion. He knew his girlfriend and his bestfriend didn't really hit it off when they met, but Janie knew better than to mention anything to him about Pen. Janie had only been around for six months, he'd known his babygirl for over seven years. He's a bit hurt that she's already trying to put some space between the two of them again – he can't seem to figure out how to break down this wall that keeps erecting itself between them. But he wasn't going to give up on them. He wasn't going anywhere.

He'd be there in the morning, and all week long helping his girls settle in together. He'd do whatever it took to get his best friend back.

As he walked out of her apartment and settled in his car, he rubbed his hands tiredly over his face.

He had to get Penny back in his life, full time. Not those once in a while meet ups you schedule with old friends, the direction they seemed to be heading. He needed Penny back in his life.

Even if it meant he lost Janie in the process.

* * *

**A/N: What'd you guys think? Leave a comment if you read it please - Since Derek and Pen's reunion lasted longer than I originally planned to write it, I left Maddie's introduction to the rest of the team and her visit with the guidance center for the next chapter. I'm trying to set a baseline for Derek to open his eyes to how important Pen has become in his life. Thanks again for all the comments and alerts, and story favorites! Those always make me more inspired to keep writing!**


	3. Deterioration of the Fight or Flight

**AN: Thank you so much for all your comments, story and author alerts! Oh man, you guys are making me so happy that you're liking where this story is going. I felt like it might have been a dumb idea seeing as how there's no unsubs or any of that stuff but I'm glad it's been so well received! Special thanks to anyone who took the time to comment! I appreciate it!**

* * *

Chapter Three: "Deterioration of the Fight or Flight Response"

Penelope woke up with a ticking sensation on her nose that made her scrunch her face up and groan as she moved her head away from it. She opened her eyes, reached up to scratch her nose and noticed Maddie had scooted so close to her during the night, the her hair – which was now in complete disarray – had managed to make its way onto Penny's face. Her tiny little body was clutching Elmo in a somewhat fetal position and her feet were entangled on Penny's own legs. Her hand was lying softly on Penelope's stomach, and her face seemed to be a lot more at ease since the last time she had seen her daughter sleeping.

_Her daughter._

Penny didn't think she would ever get tired of saying that. A smile was automatic as she sat back and quietly watched the little girl take slow deep breaths, her flushed cheeks giving her some nice color, a good contrast from the past few weeks. The fact that she was entangled in Penelope's form showed a lot about her subconscious trust in Penny as a protective figure in her life, which made her heart, soar in excitement. It felt like every minute of every day was progress for their relationship, and she wanted to savor every single part of it.

She slowly separated them as she made her way to the bathroom to start getting ready for the day, hopefully so she would have things a little more settled before Maddie woke up. The daycare facility said the little girl thrived under consistent schedules, knowing what her day entailed, so a fly-by-the-pants kind of day wasn't exactly something that would keep her soothed even though that is something Penelope used to thrive in, was spontaneity. Especially with her high demand job, everything was constantly changing and she always had to adapt. But she could learn to take a step back and plan things through ahead of time. She could learn and she would learn.

As she got out of the shower, she picked an outfit a little tamer than she would have normally picked out keeping in mind the somewhat formal activities her and Madelyn had to make their way through today. A park of dark wash form fitting jeans, a pencil gray v-neck long sleeve shirt with a quarter sleeve black blazer that hugged her curves at her waist. She folded the gray t-shirt sleeve over the blazer giving her wrists some room to show off the neon pink and orange bracelets she was dangling. Her hair, back to its former blonde glory, was curled in bouncy waves and the glasses she picked had clear frames, making her eyes pop as it drew attention to the natural make-up she was donning, her lashes looking long and lush with some brown mascara and shimmering gold shadow.

She sprayed on some perfume, making sure to keep the scent light and not to overpowering. She checked on Maddie one more time, leaving the side lamp on and the door wide open before heading to the kitchen to start making breakfast and working on a schedule for the next few days for the two of them.

She turned on the coffee for herself, put some slices of bread in the toaster and took out some eggs and fresh spinach, tomatoes, cheese, mushrooms and green peppers. She set out to make a veggie omelet for her and Maddie to share as her computer loaded up and her tablet and android phone charged, getting ready for their busy day out. After she finished adding all the ingredients to the pan, she pulled out her computer and started making a list of things they needed to get accomplished before she decided to go back to work.

Well, she needed to buy stuff for Maddie, obviously. Clothing, food, utensils, diapers, hygiene products, toys, books, furniture for the spare bedroom, paint, decorations. That was priority number one, getting her settled into Penelope's home as a permanent fixture. The sooner they did that, the sooner Maddie would be comfortable with the idea that this wasn't just a temporary thing, she was here to stay. She needed to go to the Bureau, sign all the paperwork listing Maddie as her dependent and adding her to her insurance and all her paperwork. They needed to get her to a pediatrician, and the center that she volunteered at to see if they could help with any of her developmental delays or it they had any advice on how to help Maddie thrive in this new environment.

She was a little weary that Maddie would be way too overwhelmed by all this stuff, but Penny knew they had to do it all. And hopefully only getting it over with this one time would make it easier to handle then throwing things at her constantly and extending the process out.

A small, light knock at her door drew her attention up from her thoughts. She quickly flipped over the omelet, and headed over to the door, wondering who it could be so early in the morning.

She peeked through the peep hole and saw Derek standing there, wearing a dark green muscle forming t-shirt and some dark jeans holding two cups of Starbucks coffees, and a little cup that she hoped had something other than coffee in it – since she was assuming it was for Maddie.

She took a deep breath, caught a little off guard by his constant presence the last few days, and opened the door forcing a smile through her muddled thoughts. She was happy to see him. _She was._

She just didn't know what to make of this sudden need of his to make his way back into being a permanent fixture in her life. It was throwing her a little off kilter, and with everything going on with her and Maddie and the adoption, she hadn't had time to process what Derek being back in her life in such a full frontal full time capacity – meant yet.

"Hey babygirl," Derek greeted, his eyes quickly raking over her as she realized he probably had never seen her dressed this way before. He was used to her bright, floral funky dresses and funky heels. Not power-woman kick-ass-momma look that she was going for these days, and it made her wonder – briefly, if he would like it or not. "You look –_ fantastic_.." The way his voice deepened and he mumbled the last part of that sentence made her cheeks burn. His eyes continued to graze over her appreciatively, until she cleared her throat and broke them out of the heat induced daze that had taken over between the two of them.

"Thank you Derek," she squeaked out quickly turning around and willing her body to cool itself off as she heads into the kitchen to check on the food she had quickly forgotten about when she saw him.

Thankfully the omelet didn't burn, but it was ready so she took it off the pan and split it in half for her and Maddie and started to grab the toast that had been sitting ready in the toaster.

She felt him follow her into the kitchen and sit down at the table; the silence that took over the room didn't make the tension any smaller. It was getting harder and harder to ignore the tingles that overtook her body whenever he was around her. It wasn't fair to him or his girlfriend for her to even be thinking of putting him in such a situation where he would have to choose between the two of them. It was a lot easier for her to ignore what she imagined between them when she didn't have to face him on a daily basis.

Derek didn't know where her mind had wandered off to when things got so quiet and awkward between them again, but he wasn't sure he liked it. Last time he left her mind to wander to its own devices he didn't hear from her outside of the occasional small talk, polite conversation for over three months and found out she had become a mother. He figured he probably made her uncomfortable when he couldn't stop staring at her after she opened the door, but he couldn't help himself. He had never seen her look like that before. He always thought she looked beautiful, with her colorful dresses, accessories and wild hair. But this sophisticated look she was going for was turning him on like no other. He felt his heart literally stop his eyes couldn't stop raking her over. Those clothes literally looked like they were made for her, and all he wanted to do was peel them off one layer at a time.

_Woah. _

He needed to get his mind back out of the gutter. He wasn't going to win her friendship back thinking like that. He needed to earn her trust again. She was as skittish as ever around him now.

A tiny patter of footsteps broke their silence as he looked back and saw Maddie clutching her Elmo doll, looking sleepy, disheveled and completely adorable standing on the doorway to the kitchen.

God, she looked so much like his babygirl. He still couldn't believe she was adopted and not hers biologically.

"Mama?"

Derek feels himself smile automatically hearing that term come out of the little girl's mouth. He knew by the look on Pen's face every time she heard it, it made her heart soar.

"Hey Maddie," Pen responds happily, watching as Maddie rubbed her eyes sleepily walked over to her and raised her arm that wasn't clutching Elmo as a way of showing Penelope she wanted to be picked up.

Pen quickly leans down and lifts her, Maddie wraps her legs around her and lays her head on her shoulder and shuts her eyes again. Pen feels her heart flutter and her eyes start to water as she turns her head and gives Maddie a small kiss on the forehead, then walks them both over to the kitchen table and sits down, rubbing the little girl's back soothingly.

Derek meets her eyes above the table, noticing the soft glow of happiness that had taken over his best friend. The bright smile she gives him as she lays a kiss on Maddie's head makes him chuckle and smile back at her.

"Are you hungry Maddie?" Penelope asks, as she smoothes some of the tangles out of the little girl's hair and away from her eyes.

Maddie nods and sits back up from where she was laying down on Pen's shoulder.

"I twusty too…"

"Thirsty?" Pen tries to clarify in a kind tone. She was careful about making sure her nature was always helpful not at all demeaning since she knew Maddie was still wary about talking and her speech delays. Just a few days ago, everyone was convinced she was deaf or mute. Now, as more time went on and the more she spoke little and little to Penny, she was convinced it was more of an emotional trauma based on her fear filled environment – and had little to do with the little girl itself. She was certain now more than ever that the more comfortable Maddie became the more her language skills would burst. She was a chatterbox waiting to come out. Penny could _feel_ it.

Maddie nods in a sign of agreement to her question.

Pen is about to stand up and grab her something, until Derek speaks up and breaks the mother-daughter moment.

"I brought you and your momma a present this morning Maddie," Derek says from across the table, leaning down to make eye contact with the toddler sitting on Pen's lap looking at him curiously as he places a small Starbucks cup in front of her.

"It's not Cwistmas." Maddie states, as if the thought of her getting a present out of the blue was something unheard of.

"Well, people still give presents all the time. Even if it's not Christmas," Derek says watching as she gives him a dubious look of disbelief, causing him to laugh a little. "It's true princess. When people love each other, they give each other presents to make each other happy. All the time."

Maddie's eyes widen as she hears Derek's explanation.

"_All da time_?"

"Yep. It's what families do."

Derek just responds confidently smiling as he watches Maddie eye him curiously, mulling over his words. He notices Penny smiling widely at the two of them, her eyes filled with unshed tears making him want to go over there and wipe them before they have a chance to fall.

Penny was sure Derek had no idea how huge of a deal it was that he was having a conversation with the toddler right now, who before a few days ago had never said a word in her life. And within a few minutes under Derek's charm, she was comfortably talking to him as if they had known each other their whole lives. It made her fall in love with him more and more by the minute.

"Mama, is Dewik famiwy?" Maddie asks Pen, looking up at her as if her answer was law.

Penny notices the look of uncertainty on Derek's face and it breaks her heart a little he was second guessing his role in her life. It was probably her fault; she knew she was mainly responsible for the distance between them. She thought he would be fine without her. But she was quickly coming to learn that she played a role in his life that couldn't be easily filled as she thought with just anyone else. And he was making an effort to make himself a permanent fixture in her life again, so why couldn't she just meet him halfway?

"Oh yeah Maddie, Derek is _a big_ part of our family."

The definitive tone that Penny held that statement with brought enough comfort to the little girl that she turned around and smiled at Derek who was stuck in a gaze with Penelope. His eyes shined with such love and happiness, that she was sure right then, she made the right decision to bring him into this with her. Maddie would be blessed to have Derek as a part of her life. She just needed to be careful to make sure he knew this would be a permanent thing, but they could talk about it all later. Right now, she just wanted to keep things light between them. It had been a while since they could just enjoy each other's company, maybe today would be a good step in the right direction for them. And with Maddie as a buffer somewhat- there wasn't a way for Janie to join them and bring her tension filled company along.

"Okay, time for breakfast baby," Pen states cheerfully, standing up and putting Maddie in the chair they were sitting in together, by herself. She grabs the only sippy cup they had at the apartment, the one Marcus got for them, and fixes the hot chocolate Derek had gotten her from the Starbucks cup into the childproof one.

After breakfast finished, Pen got Maddie ready and Derek insisted he'd clean up the kitchen so they wouldn't have to worry about it later. Penelope told him she could do it later after Maddie went to bed, but he insisted to the point of almost pushing her and Maddie out of the kitchen so she wouldn't keep arguing with him about it. Pen ignored the domesticity of the whole thing, reminding herself that he had a girlfriend at home waiting for him, as her and Maddie met Derek in the kitchen after they got everything ready to go.

"Okay, so what's the plan for today?" Derek asked, as he watched Pen grab her tablet, phone and other gadgets and put it in her purse. He noticed she had also stuck some diapers, wipes and snacks and juice boxes in there for Maddie, causing his smile to widen at how prepared she was for all of this. Being a mother came as natural to her as breathing. She was a natural caretaker.

"Do you have to go to work?" Pen asked as she finished packing her bag and grabbed her keys.

"Nope. I took the day off. Unless we get a case, I'm all yours for the day," He responds happily watching as she smiled at him and shook her head at how silly he was being.

"Alright well, Maddie's in charge of our schedule today – right munchkin?"

"Yeah! Mama says I'm da nawigator, wike a map!" Maddie says excitedly, looking particularly proud of herself for being given such an important task as she holds up a piece of paper showing it to him.

Derek looked up at his babygirl who was smiling at how excited Maddie was to play a part in their trip today. Pen figured that if she distracted Maddie by making it seem like she was in charge today, it would build her confidence while at the same time divert her attention from the fact that they would be busy doing all sorts of things out of her comfort zone today.

* * *

Their morning was jam packed with all sorts of shopping excursions. They went to the mall and picked out all sorts of clothes, shoes, toys, and books for Maddie. Then they went to Home Depot and picked out paint and supplies, with Maddie settling on a peach orange-pink combination as her favorite color. Then they headed to the furniture store and picked out the entire layout for Maddie's room, and Pen bargained and sweet-talked with the store to have the stuff delivered within the next two days, not the usual week that it takes. By the time they were ready for lunch it was 2 o'clock and Maddie was wiped out tired. She fell asleep in the car, so Derek and Pen got some take out and ate together in the vehicle, saving Maddie's stuff for her for when she woke up.

The car was silent, a smidge due to an awkwardness that had recently come between the two friends and partly because of the sleeping toddler in the backseat.

Derek cleared his throat a little, feeling dry all of the sudden as he tried to think of something to start the conversation between them.

"I'm sorry Derek," Pen started talking, surprising him that she was breaking the silence and initiating the conversation. She looked down, looking a little guilty and sad before looking back up at him as he gave her a look of confusion.

"For what baby?"

"For being so distant and pushing you away the last few months," she responded, blushing slightly.

He nodded, not knowing how to ask her what had happened to make her do that. He had dated women all the time throughout their eight year friendship, and never once did she distance herself from him because of it. JJ and Reid had filled his mind with all sorts of junk as they told him she was probably tired of playing second fiddle to all the women in his life, but he had no idea what they were talking about. Pen always came first for him. All his girlfriends knew that his friendship with her was off-limits, and he had broken up with quite a few of them who couldn't wrap their heads around the fact that he wasn't going to let Penelope go anywhere without him.

"I just, had a lot going on after Kevin and I broke up – and after Janie talked to me about giving you some space, I figured I needed to take a step back from everyone and figure out what I wanted from my life, long term –"

"-What do you mean Janie talked to you?" Derek interrupted her rant, his face looking a bit angry and hurt as she looked at him, surprised at his reaction.

"Don't be too mad at her doll, she was just looking out for your relationship. And she was right_;_it wasn't fair of me to all of the sudden put everything on you just because I was single again…"

"What did she say?" He asked watching as she looked away from him, squirming uncomfortably in her seat.

"Nothing important. Just that, you guys needed some space to be able to grown in your relationship, and that sort of stuff."

She wasn't looking up at him when she said that, making him aware of the fact that she was probably holding something from him. Penny was horrible at lying to him. Or anyone for that matter. It probably didn't help that she was surrounded by profilers on a daily basis. They had all promised each other they wouldn't profile each other, but he couldn't help it. Profiling her was all he had the last few months, when she wouldn't talk to him about what was going on in that head of hers. It was the first time in their entire friendship that he had no idea what was going on between them.

"What else did she say, what aren't you telling me?" He prodded, watching as her eyes watered a little and she looked out the window, away from him.

He hadn't meant to upset her by pushing, but he needed to know what he was up against here. Pen always put everyone else's well-being before her own, and if she thought that he was better off without her – he was fighting a losing battle here.

She cleared her throat, and spoke – still facing the window and not looking over at him but he could tell she was still upset by the conversation. "Derek, it's –"

He stopped her right there, knowing she was trying to avoid the topic at hand still. He reached over the console and grabbed her hand holding it between both of his in a soothing manner. "Please babygirl, tell me what she said to you."

Pen looked back over to him, her eyes still looking sad before she bit her lip nervously. "She said that there wasn't room in your relationship for three people. And that she wasn't going to compete with … someone like me, and it was about time I learned my place that nothing was ever going to happen between the two of us."

Derek's jaw dropped as he let go of her hand, feeling like someone had stuck a knife through his back and he couldn't breathe right.

She put her hand on his arm trying to calm him a bit before he did something stupid, like call Janie and break up with her. She wasn't going to come between the two of them, she had told herself that numerous times. Derek liked her. He was just upset right now but she wasn't angry at either one of them.

"Derek, it's okay – I was hurt for a while but now I can see where she's coming from. She was a bit wrong to go about it the way she did, but she was right. You guys needed that space for your relationship to grow to where it is today, and it never would have happened with me around as the third wheel all the time," Pen spoke quickly watching as he looked over at her with a look of disbelief and hurt on his face.

"**_No,_** you don't get to make excuses for her Penelope. She had no right to say anything to you. Relationships are a two way street. If she had a problem she should have talked to me about it," Derek growled at her, his fist clenching angrily.

She looked at him with some sadness and regret in her eyes. "Please don't be mad Derek. Please, just – _oh god,_ I shouldn't have said anything," she whispered, her eyes starting to water as the car started to feel smaller and smaller.

"Don't say that. You should always be able to tell me anything," he responds watching her quickly wipe her tears away before they have a chance to run down her cheeks, "I can live without Janie. I can't live without you babygirl."

Whether it was her nickname on his lips, his hands that had reached over to hold hers, or the confidence behind his statement that made her realize he was dead serious, there was no hesitation there – or a combination of all of those things, Penelope felt a shift in the dynamic of their relationship right there. It was as if a spark was all of the sudden lighted beneath them, the tingles that traveled up her arm making her uncomfortable where this conversation was going. She had resigned herself to the fact that she and Derek would always be just friends. The way he was talking right now was making her think things weren't as black and white as she had laid them out in her head.

"Don't say that Derek," she whispers as she squeezes his hand comfortingly. "I appreciate the loyalty and the sentiment, but you can't go around pushing away every woman that comes into your life just because you don't want things to change between us. Otherwise you're never going to be able to find someone to settle down with and have beautiful chocolate babies."

She smiled through her tears as she felt her heart break a little at her own statement. Just imagining him with someone else carrying his child was painful enough for her to break the contact between them and pull her hands away from his. She had no idea how the conversation ended up where it did, but she was really wishing she hadn't let him come with her and Maddie today. She was going to need a pint of ice cream and a bottle of wine or maybe even tequila just to be able to forget this whole car ride before she went to bed tonight.

"Don't you get it yet woman?" Derek asks as he puts his hand on her cheek reassuringly, watching as she leaned into the palm of his hand, as if it was instinct or second nature for her. "You're the only woman besides my mama that I need in my life."

Her eyes widen at the implications his statement had just left between them.

"Well there is another girl I need now," Derek says watching as she stares at him curiously. He knew he was putting a lot at stake now by being so forward with her, but he was tired of second guessing his role in her life. Kevin was officially out of the picture. She was being ridiculous even thinking Janie held a candle to her in his life.

"She's little, has beautiful blonde hair and green eyes – and looks just like a princess. She carries around Elmo with her everywhere, 'cause he's her best friend in the whole world," Derek says smiling at her watching as her eyes water and she laughs at his description of her daughter. "Does anyone know who that could be?"

"Dat's me Mama!"

Pen just laughs as she turns around and watches a sleepy, disheveled Maddie get excited and sit up in her car seat effectively waking herself up all the way.

"How long have you been up sleepy head?"

"I up now Mama, I sweep bfore!" Maddie responds excitedly, her nap obviously giving her lots of energy back.

Penelope just laughs again at Maddie's response. Children had the best way of answering questions. Their honesty just made everything all the more endearing.

"Are you hungry baby?"

Maddie nods excitedly, watching as Pen produces her sippy cup and a bag of snacks and hands it to her.

"Snack on that for now, and when we get to Mama's work I'll give you the chicken nuggets we got you," Pen says, watching as Maddie says 'okay' and starts eating the snacks she handed over to her.

Derek looks back over at Penelope, keeping the conversation light now that the toddler was awake. "So, to the BAU now?"

Pen nods in agreement, watching as he turns the car on and turns into the street. She was glad Maddie was awake now, effectively breaking their tension filled conversation that had filled the car in the midst of her slumber. She had a feeling that it wasn't over though. Her thoughts soon confirmed by Derek's next statement, spoke quietly enough that she would be able to hear him – not the toddler in the backseat.

"Don't think we're finished babygirl, we'll keep talking later."

As she looked out the window, ignoring the feeling of foreboding that had come over her insides - she realized Derek didn't know how right his words were.

* * *

**A/N: What'd you guys think? Leave a comment if you read it please -I wrote the chapter originally with her meeting the team and going to the guidance center, but I felt like I kind of left things a bit unsettled with her and Derek so I made their chapter this time around, she'll meet everyone in the next chapter, it'll flow better that way I think... Thanks again for all the comments and alerts, and story favorites! Those always make me more inspired to keep writing!**


	4. Into You Like A Train

**AN: Thanks again for all your reviews, alerts and story favorites! You guys just make me it all the more exciting for me to keep writing knowing you like it! Sorry about how long it took to update. My computer crashed with this chapter 3/4 of the way finished, it took me the last three weeks to figure out a way to save this file and reformat the whole thing, and then try and open it again. Thankfully, I was able to save it. Wheew. Anyways, please leave a comment!**

* * *

**Chapter Four: "Into You like a Train"**

If Derek noticed her run out of the SUV like her tail was on fire once they pulled into their reserved parking at the FBI, then he didn't say it. As soon as she grabbed Maddie, she decided against letting the little girl walk and instead choose to carry her, mentally thanking god when she realized she chose to wear flats not her usual heels today. As soon as they got in the elevator, she started to get nervous.

What would everyone think about her impromptu adoption? _Would they say anything in front of Maddie?_ The little girl was already as skittish as a squirrel; she didn't want her to have any doubts about being wanted. They were profilers though, they should know better…shouldn't they?

She felt Derek's hand rubbing soothing circles on her lower back making her thoughts stop running a million miles an hour in her head. She didn't even have to say anything. He could read her like an open book. Something else that was making her stomach churn. She was starting to regret the open conversation they had in the SUV a few minutes ago. He looked so angry when she told him what was going on, - she wanted to make sure he didn't do anything stupid that he would regret later.

Her thoughts were broken suddenly when the elevator opened and right, smack dab in front of them was Spencer Reid.

"Hey Garcia, hey Morgan," He greets them in his enthusiastically charming boy manner that warms her heart. "Who's the little one?"

Her throat all of the sudden dries up and she feels a full on body flush make its way on her body. As if she could sense Pen's uneasiness, Maddie starts to clutch Elmo so tightly the colors leave her little arms and her face hides in her mama's neck.

"Hey Reid, can you gather up everyone in the conference room? Garcia wants to talk to all of us." Morgan steps in and breaks the tension filled silence, watching as Reid looks between the three of them curiously before stepping back and nodding – then heading into the bullpen to do as he asked.

"I can't do this," Penelope whispers watching as everyone leaves their desks and heads into the room, not noticing her and Derek were standing back there.

"Yes you can. They're your family babygirl, they're going to support you. You know this. They'll fall in love with this little cutie here," he pokes Maddie's nose in an effort to comfort the little girl a bit and make light of the situation for her sake, "you'll probably have to fight Reid and JJ for her they're going to want play-dates with Henry all the time."

She lets out a laugh at the last statement, remembering her godson. Of course, _she was being silly._ They might have a hard time understanding at first, but once they met Maddie, she knew they'd fall in love with her. Just like she did. And just like Derek did too.

"Okay, okay. You're right. Maddie's awesome. I'm an awesome mamma. They'll support us," Penny responds smiling brightly and forcing a peppy tone in order to calm down the frightened little girl. "Right pretty girl?" She asks looking at Maddie who gives her a look of unease, furrowed eye brows and her lips turned down in a frown. She still hadn't let go of her death grip on Elmo, making Pen a little nervous about Maddie regressing from all the progress she'd made in the last day or so.

Deciding to not push the matter for now and make things worse, Pen starts walking in the bullpen with Derek close behind her – ignoring the curious looks her other coworkers were shooting them as they tried to make their way up to the conference room.

As soon as she walked into the room, she could see the confused and curious looks everyone was shooting her. She was at least grateful no one spoke up before she had a chance to do so. Derek walked in last and closed the door behind them, staying back and letting her step up and do the talking on her own this time.

All of the sudden, Maddie bursts into tears – the sound making everyone turn to where Pen was holding her and the little girl was trying to desperately kick her way out of the arms were keeping her up. Putting her down on her feet, Pen immediately forgets the audience she has in the room watching her interaction with the toddler who was visibly upset, - red faced, snot running, waterfall shedding out of her eyes.

"Hey, hey what's wrong Mads?" Pen asks, sitting down on the floor by the toddler who scoots away from her.

Derek starts to walk up to them but when Pen looks up and gives him a look that says '_please stay back' - _so he just stands there and watches to see how she handles it.

"Maddie, baby, tell mommy what's wrong," she whispers to the toddler who stops sobbing for a minute after her statement and starts to give her a look mixed with hurt and longing.

"Pwease no let 'em cake me mama!" She screams, visibly getting more upset and shutting herself off from everyone. "I be good, I pwomise!"

"Woah! Maddie! Honey! No one is taking you anywhere!" Pen exclaims loudly watching as the little girl's loud sobs turn into small whimpers as she keeps her eyes glued to what Penelope's saying. "I told you that you were mine for good. Remember? We're going to be together forever."

There was a pause of silence in the room as everyone watched to see how the little girl would react, no one expecting her to jump into Penelope's lap and wrap her arms tightly around Pen, ignoring the fact that her face was filled with snot and tear residue – Pen picks her up and hugs her tightly, her hands making soothing circles on the little girl's back as she feels her hiccups subside and the tension slowly leave her little body.

Jeez, did she really think she was just going to drop her off somewhere?

"Remember what I told you about when you met Derek?" Penelope starts talking to the little girl, watching as she nods slowly and looks back between her and Derek a few times before putting her attention back on her.

"Dewik's yor Elmo."

Derek smiles at her logic and Pen just laughs softly, not aware as everyone else quietly takes in the scene between the three of them who are looking conspicuously a lot closer than anyone thought Derek and Pen had been for the last few months.

"Yes. He's my best friend. Just like Elmo is your best friend," she states, the confirmation leaving something unsettled in the air as Derek shifts uncomfortably.

"Derek's not my only best friend though. I have more."

"Mowe?!" Maddie exclaims back, her eyes wide in disbelief.

"Yes! More! We're so close that they're actually like family. Kind of like aunts and uncles?" As she tries to explain she realizes Maddie probably has no idea what the proper family hierarchy looks like so the idea of an aunt/uncle is foreign to her. Given by the look of confusion the toddler is shooting her, she's pretty sure there's a lack of connect between the communication they're having right now. "Okay, never mind. I'll explain that later. The important thing to remember is that – they won't hurt you okay? They're very, very nice." The nodding that was accompanying her last statement made her look kind of like a bobble head, but she hoped all the positive body language and verbal confirmation she was sending to the little girl was enough to bring her frightened little guard down.

"No mean wady?" The trembling of her lower lip showed just how terrified Maddie was of returning to her previous home.

"No baby. No more mean lady. The mean lady is gone. You're never going to see her again, okay?"

Nodding in understanding, Maddie hugs Pen again seeking comfort from the emotional rollercoaster she just went through the last few minutes.

Standing up with her daughter in her arms, she looks up – seeing everyone staring at her and Maddie with looks of astonishment, confusion and happiness.

"Everyone, this is my daughter Maddie. Maddie, this is JJ, Spencer Reid, Aaron Hotchner, Emily Prentiss, and David Rossi. They work with mommy and Derek," Pen finishes pointing everyone out to the little girl giving her a few seconds to digest everything.

"Elmos?" Maddie asks, looking to Derek for conformation as he lets out a laugh to her comment, making her smile at him.

"Yes, they're all Elmos too."

"Mama?"

"Yes, baby?"

"I hungwy."

Everyone laughs at the short attention span the little girl had, watching as a look of relief comes over Pen's face from her statement.

"Okay. Well, I have your chicken nuggets in my bag. Mommy's got to talk to the team here, will you be okay if you hang out with Derek for a few minutes?"

Maddie quickly nods her head in agreement and runs over to Derek putting her arms up for him to pick her up. "Dewik I hungwy!" She squeals loudly as Derek flinches a bit from her tone.

"Well, we can't have that happen can we?!" He responds dramatically, causing Maddie to start giggling and shaking her head in agreement.

As soon as the pair leaves the room to go sit in Derek's office and eat, she turns around and sees everyone giving her a look of amusement and confusion.

"Okay. You can all talk now. Just – one at a time, please?" She says as she takes a seat at the front of the table.

"I'm assuming despite the genetic similarities between you two that she is a foster child you're in the midst of adopting?"

Shooting an obvious look at Spencer, she nods her head trying to maintain her composure. Their support for her on this was detrimentally important to her. They were her family, and she cared about what they thought.

"Well, I think it's great," Emily says, standing up and making her way over to Pen to give her a hug. "You are one of the most caring people I have ever known, and that little girl just struck gold." The bright smile that Emily added at the end of her statement enforced confidence in the room as slowly, one by one everyone else congratulated Pen and showed their support in their own way.

* * *

Penelope headed up to the HR office to fill out a mountain of paperwork on the newest addition to her family, leaving Derek in charge of the little girl for the time being. She hoped maybe Maddie would bond a bit with the team, but she had a feeling it would just take her a good amount of time to let down her protective instincts around everyone she met. How quickly she bonded with her and Derek she was sure was just a fluke. She wasn't counting on it to keep happening this time around.

Meanwhile downstairs, Spencer was in Derek's office with JJ showing Maddie some magic tricks in order to get her more comfortable around them. Noticing that Maddie was feeling more relaxed around the duo, Derek heads over to his desk and picks up the file he had requested be waiting for him here when he arrived.

The manila folder was thicker than he wanted, and to be honest – part of him wasn't sure it was okay for him to be reading what he was about to be looking at.

* * *

_NAME: Madelyn Elizabeth Walters_  
_SEX: Female_  
_D.O.B: January 18, 2009_  
_RACE: White_  
_BIOLOGICAL PARENTS: Thomas R. Walters (deceased)_  
_Gabriella N. Walters (deceased)_  
_SIBLINGS: Jackson Consuela - maternal brother (state foster custody)_  
_EXTENDED FAMILY MEMBERS: Denika Consuela – maternal grandmother (deceased)_  
_Daniel Walters – paternal grandfather (incarcerated)_  
_Shelly Walters – paternal grandmother (incarcerated)_  
_AGE ENTERED INTO FOSTER SYSTEM: 13 months_  
_CASE WORKER(s): Monica James (2009). Jake Sawyer (2010). Monica James (2011-current)._

* * *

_CASE HISTORY:_

_Suspected abuse and neglect reported by neighbor Janine Branden in July of investigated by M. James, August 2009, allegations unfounded. Child to remain in care of biological parents._

_Suspected neglect and abuse reported by Mercy Hospital nurse, Amy Jarden in December of 2009. Complaint investigated by M. James, December 2009, allegations unfounded. Child to remain in care of biological parents._

_Suspected child endangerment reported by neighbor Taylor Smith in February 2010. Complaint investigated by J. Sawyer, March 2010, allegations warranted further investigation. Child removed from home, placed with emergency temporary foster family. Investigation concluded, April 2010, allegations partially supported. Child to remain in care of foster home, biological parents required to submit to supervised visits while attending parenting courses and AA visits._

_Suspected abuse and neglect reported by Mercy Hospital Doctor, L. Sloan, September 2010. Complaint investigated by J. Sawyer. Allegations warranted further investigation, child removed from foster family situation, placed in a state-run medical facility. Investigation concluded, October 2010, allegations supported, child replaced in state facility care. Child required to undergo therapy session(s) until cleared by facility's psychiatrist._

* * *

_HOSPITAL ADMISSIONS:_

_Burns to upper abdomen, Malnourishment, Dehydration, Hairline fracture to anterior skull (L), February 2010._

_Contusion to posterior skull (R), 2 broken ribs (4th&5th) (L), Dehydration, Malnourishment, Concussion, High level of Methamphetamine toxicity, September 2010._

_Physician's Progress notes  
__Attending Physician: Dr. L. Sloan  
__Time and date of consultation: 02:05; September 21, 2010_

_Patient is a 20 month old female, arrived by ambulance in the pediatric ward of the ER with multiple diagnoses. Patient accompanied by law enforcement. Social worker called in to investigate surrounding circumstances due to questionable parental status. __Madelyn Walters presented to Mercy Hospital dehydrated, undernourished and in signs of severe distress. Signs of physical trauma present. CT Report shows serious contusions to the posterior skull (R). X-Rays confirmed significant bone remodeling with the fourth and fifth ribs broken. Patient showed some signs of possible sexual interference with light scaring to vaginal opening. Sexual Assault Rape Nurse notified. Case worker notified. On-call psychiatrist notified. Patient requires 1-on-1 sitter due to request of law enforcement officials._

_Blood tests confirm the presence of high level of methamphetamines. Withdrawal symptoms present in intermediate stage._

_Epidermal abrasions on both (L) and (R) forearms, neck and upper abdomen._

_Patient admitted to Pediatric Intensive Care Unit to undergo further evaluation._

_IV antibiotic administered for epidermal abrasions._

_IV sedative administered during withdrawal process._

_Respiratory Therapy called in for breathing treatments q1 hr for duration of stay in hospital._

_Patient admitted to PICU under the care of Dr. A. Robbins._

* * *

Walking into Derek's office, Pen was delighted to see Maddie sitting on JJ's lap and giggling as Reid pulled a quarter out from behind her ear making the toddler excited and happy. What she didn't expect was to see Derek with his face scrunched up like he was upset about something. He hadn't looked up from whatever he was reading to notice she was in there yet. He looked as if he was in his own world at the moment. If Maddie hadn't noticed she was there, he probably wouldn't have either.

"Momma!"

The toddler quickly runs over to Pen as she bends down and puts her arms out for Maddie to run straight into.

" 'Pensir is a magwitian!" Maddie squeals holding the quarter they had been using when playing hide-and-seek with her.

"Is he now?" Pen whispers back excitedly, feeding into the little girl's happy mood.

"Uh huh!"

"Thanks for keeping her company guys," she smiles at JJ and Reid as they stand up and make their way out of the office.

"No problem Garcia, we had a great time," Reid said reaching behind Maddie's head and pulling another quarter out for her. "Didn't we Mads?"

Maddie squealed in excitement and clapped her hands as she lunged for the quarter that appeared in front of her.

"Come on Magic-man," JJ said, laughing at how adorable Reid was being with the little girl. "We'll talk to you guys later."

Nodding in agreement and returning the hug both of them gave her as they were leaving the room, Penny finally turns around feeling Derek's eyes on her as the door shuts behind the couple that just left.

She couldn't pinpoint exactly where Derek's emotions were right now. He seemed upset about something, but she wasn't exactly sure it was her place to push him. Especially with how raw things still were between them after their last heart to heart.

"I think we're going to go home and get things ready for the furniture guys tomorrow," she says, looking down a few seconds before looking back up at him.

Maybe some space between them would do them both some good right now.

"Okay."

Derek nods in agreement as he walks over to them and stops a few steps in front of her.

"Can I have a goodbye hug princess?"

Maddie lunges out of Pen's arms and throws her little body on Derek causing him to take a step back to keep himself upright. It was a fierce hug. When she pulled away, her sad eyes made his stomach drop.

"Will I ever see you again Unca Dewik?"

"Of course! I'll see you tomorrow to help get all your princess stuff into your room!" Derek responds quickly, watching as a look of relief comes over Maddie's face and she hugs him again, this time hiding her face in his neck - seeking some comfort.

He was always a family man. He knew that. He loved his nieces and nephews like they were his own. But watching Penny's eyes water as he felt Maddie squeeze him tightly - made him lightheaded.

He couldn't imagine not being able to hold them in his arms. It just felt -, right.

"Well _well_ well - isn't this cozy? Who's the toddler?"

That chilly - and slightly bitchy tone of voice made Pen's back stand up straight immediately. Maddie pulled back from Derek and lunged for Penny hiding from the scary lady at the door.

"Janie, this is my daughter Madelyn," Penny responded, turning around to look at the woman who split her and Derek to opposite ends of the world it seemed.

The introductions stopped there. She felt no need to subject a traumatized toddler to the snide remarks Derek's girlfriend would subtly throw their way. It was better if they walked away. Even if it seemed as if that's all she was ever doing these days.

Just walking away from things.

"Moving on a little fast aren't ya?" Janie says, smiling at Penny - her tone anything but friendly.

Taking a deep breath and closing her eyes away with her back facing the other woman, Pen clutches her daughter tighter as she leans down to grab her purse.

"We'll see you later Derek, have a good night."

She starts to walk away before she feels his hand on hers pulling her back to him lightly. She looks up, giving him a confused expression before he leans over and kisses her lightly on the cheek.

He didn't seem to notice the glares they were receiving at the moment. Of if he did, he certainly didn't show it. His eyes hadn't left hers at all.

"Don't pull away from me again. Please, not now. _Not after all this._.." He whispers, watching as her eyes water and she nods quickly in agreement. He wasn't sure if he was serious or if she was just wanting to get the hell out of the awkward situation he had just landed them both in but he took her nod as a positive sign. He squeezed her hand lightly before letting her go, watching as she rushed past Janie and quickly made her way out of the bullpen.

"What the hell was that about Derek Morgan?"

Her hands on her hips combined with the glare she was giving him should have made him flinch -_ even just a little bit_ - but all it did was feed into his anger and annoyance - at her.

He shuts the door behind her and closes his blinds as he turns around to face her, he can see the slightest bit of hesitation and vulnerability she tries to hide with her overtly confident, superiority complex.

"We need to talk Janie."

* * *

**A/N: Eh? Eh? What'd you think? Alright, I'm not sure if I'm actually going to go through with showing their entire argument in the next chapter. I think it's time for some good old fashioned BAU family bonding time. I'd like to see Maddie interact more with everyone else. If you have anything you want to see feel free to shout it out, I might add it in - I might not. I always love hearing new ideas though so don't be shy. Thanks again for my loyal followers. I still can't believe this story is that popular! :)**


	5. The Best Thing I Never Had

**Author's Note: Sorry about the lapse between updates. I was dealing with a death in the family, and I just recently got back into the swing of writing again. Those of you who commented, alerted, reviewed and private messaged me - I greatly appreciate your support and encouragement. I love this story. I love Derek and Pen and Maddie and I have a lot more to go with this so we're not even done yet! :) I took some of your advices and did include Janie in this chapter, and I'm glad I did, even though I didn't make her out as evil as I thought I would, it just ended up writing itself the way it did. I've got the next chapter started so the next update won't be as far away. I'll try and keep them at least a couple a month depending on my schedule. Just PM me if you start to get nervous, I don't mind. Hope you guys enjoy! Feedback is always appreciated so feel free to let me know. Just keep it kind and constructive, please.**

Happy early thanksgiving everyone!

* * *

**Chapter Five: The Best Thing I Never Had**

As her car came around the corner to their destination, Penelope realized again that it had been a week since she'd last seen the whole team, Derek included. They got called away on a case, and since she was still technically on "leave" she stayed home with Maddie getting things set up in the apartment just the two of them. It actually worked out better in the long run - regardless of their lack of muscles - they managed to get everything set up with help from the movers. Unfortunately, she knew she'd have to go back to work soon, but the idea of leaving her skittish toddler in the care of strangers was making her pretty uncomfortable. In any case, she was hoping JJ might have some ideas for her when she met up with her tonight. Everyone got back last night, so they were all meeting for dinner at Spencer and JJ's house for a home cooked meal.

Derek had been great about video calling Maddie while he'd been away, but they had yet to bring up the big elephant in the room, the fact that Janie had been conspicuously kicked to the curb. He hadn't even opened up to her about any of it yet, she found out from JJ's gossip and good natured meddling between the two of them. She was half tempted to just stay home with the little girl but Maddie was so excited about seeing Derek again, she didn't have it in her to keep her from him.

"Mama! Will Unca Dewik 'ike my dwess?" Maddie asked as she twirled around making a show of one of the fancier outfits they had splurged on for her when she first moved in. It was dark purple with a bright neon orange bow. It was also sleeveless, something she didn't think Maddie would be comfortable with since she had a tendency to hide the scars on her arms but she picked it out herself, and there was no way she could say no to that.

"Of course he will baby. You look _beautiful!_" Penelope assured the little girl as she reached back in the car to grab her travel bag. Reaching down to grab Maddie's hand she walked up to the house, noticing all the cars were already there so they were the last ones to arrive.

She knocked on the door and was greeted by Reid who was holding Henry.

"Aunt Penny!" Henry squealed lunging over for a hug from his godmother slash 'aunt'.

"Henry! How are you my lovebug?"

"I'm good! Mommy says that if I'm real good Reid will do some more magic tricks later!"

"Well, isn't that exciting!?"

Bobbing his head in excitement, Henry finally notices the little girl hiding behind Penny's leg watching him curiously.

"Aunt Penny who's dat?"

Reid put Henry down on the floor to be at closer eye level to Maddie. They were staring at each other curiously until Penny crouched down and pulled her daughter lightly in front of her keeping a secure arm around the little girl.

"Henry, this is my daughter Maddie. Maddie came to live with me a few weeks ago."

Penelope watched as Henry's face showed him confused before he looked back at Reid for confirmation as his parent nodded his head and crouched down around all of them.

"Hi Maddie," Henry greeted quietly noticing the little girl was pretty small and looked scared at the moment. He always thought his books made him feel better. "Wanna come read some stories with me?" He asks reaching his hand out for her to grab. Maddie looked back at Pen who nodded in approval and gave her a smile of encouragement before grabbing Henry's hand slowly and letting him lead her to the living room where his stuff was all laid out.

"That went well."

The deep voice behind Reid started her a bit. But it was hard to not flush at the smile Derek was giving her as he leaned against the wall, his arms crossed in front of him while his eyes gleamed her way.

"Kids are resilient, they'll be okay," Reid responded, standing up - unaware of the tension in the air as he walked away from them towards the backyard where everyone was mingling.

Standing up slowly, trying to keep her head from clouding at his close presence, she clutched her purse tighter onto her body as if it was anchoring her to where she stood. "Make sure you mention her dress, she picked it out just for you."

The words were quiet but important - and she noted he took it well as a bright smile graced his face at the thought of the toddler going out of her way to impress him.

"I'll be sure to fawn over her then," he smiled and started to walk towards her noticing the faint rose blush that appeared on her cheeks as he got nearer. The hug was meant to be short- nothing dramatic, not like their last encounter - he didn't want to scare her off. He just needed to touch her, and feel her reminding himself that they were closer to a point in their friendship that he almost forgot how much he loved. The part where their intimate glances, jokes, innuendos, and lack of physical boundaries blurred enough to cause him to be euphoric around her. She had almost a magical way of making him feel at peace when they were okay with each other. And his world had been slightly off-kilter on the last few months without that balance in his life.

"I missed you babygirl."

The tension she was holding in her shoulders through their embrace seemed to release instantaneously. _Like a balloon losing its air._ She melted into him, burying her head in her "nook" the place where his neck and his shoulder met - she deemed it hers years ago, and he didn't realize until now that that singular location had transcended through his whole being. _He was hers_. She just didn't know it yet.

Her muffled voice on his skin was enough for only him to make out what she whispered, as if it was only between them.

"I missed you too…"

_[flashback: nine days ago]_

_There was tension in the room as Derek watched Janie sit down, her foot tapping impatiently in front of her as she waited for him to start talking. He didn't know what his problem was - he never had a problem breaking up with girls before. But Janie was different. When they first met, she surprised him at how down to earth and kind she was. This bitchy, snide person in front of him, seemed to appear only the last few weeks and he really didn't know what to make of it. _

_"Are you sleeping with her?" _

_The abrupt question caught him off guard. So much that it took him a full minute of gaping at her for him to figure out who she was talking about. Pen? _

_"What? With Pen?"_

_Her face scowled as she spat back at him. "Yes, her. Are you sleeping together?!"_

_"No! We're not sleeping together! Christ Janie, she's my best friend!"_

_She scoffed in disbelief as she stood up walking over to the other side of the room. "Since when? I haven't seen her around much." _

_When she turned around she saw the glare his eyes were giving her, not expecting his response. "Whose fault is that?"_

_The accusatory tone his voice took made her step back a bit. The was a power shift in the room, and it was making her uneasy. _

_"What gave you the right to talk to her anyway? My relationship with her has nothing to do with you."_

_"Oh! Please! Derek, don't be an idiot. Your relationship has **everything** to do with me, **I am your girlfriend**. And the two of you have obviously never heard of boundaries or personal space. My god, if you weren't going to protect us then I obviously had to step up and do it myself!"_

_"She's been my life for eight years Janie. You had no right to make her feel like -"_

_"Like what? Like she wasn't as important to you anymore? Like she had to compete with me? Because you obviously had NO problem making me feel that way did you? Or did you even notice?" - The next sentence wasn't accusatory, and loud and angry like it had been going. It was more, aware and defeated. "...I may be your girlfriend Derek, but it's clear to everyone except you and her that your heart and loyalty doesn't lie with me." _

_He sighed and shook his head, sitting back on the edge of his table. "You never even gave us enough time to get to that point, you just - jumped into this attack mode before anything could grow here." _

_She shook her head in disagreement, pursing her lips as she looked away from him. "We were never going to get there. You're in love with another woman. And you don't even know it." She laughed at the end of the sentence, causing him to look at her strangely. Her hand was up as soon as his mouth opened to dissent with her statement - "Spare me the bullshit about how you two are just friends Derek. You're in love with her. And she's clearly in love with you. And everyone on this planet except maybe the two of you are aware of that fact. Because that's what it is- **it's a fact.** And you know what? I'm not going to play second fiddle to some other woman. I deserve better than that. I'm not going love someone who could never love me back fully. Not when his heart has been somewhere else all this time." _

_He didn't know what to say to that. His heart was hammering in his chest at everything she just spouted out at him. His first step was denial. His second step was trying to remember who was breaking up with who here - this wasn't going where his head thought it was. She pulled the rug out from under him and he wasn't sure where to go next. This relationship seemed to be just as much his fault as it was hers if what she was saying was true. They were doomed from the start._

_"She doesn't. I mean - I'm just…" He shook his head in frustration at what he couldn't say. _

_Janie seemed to take pity on his flustered state and offered him an olive branch turning around before she walked out of his office. _

_"Take it from someone who knows what it's like to fall in love with you Derek. -Penelope Garcia is in love with you. A million times more than I would ever be."_

_Watching him take in what she said, she dropped her key to his house on his desk before abruptly leaving. _

_[end of flashback]_

"Unca Dewik!" Maddie squealed in excitement when she saw him walk in the room with her mama. The speed which she dropped her books and ran over to him made everyone pause and glance at the interaction from the corner of their eyes.

He picked her up mid jump and hugged her just as tight as she was holding on to him.

"Well don't you look beautiful Princess!"

Her smile was coy and lit up her whole face obviously pleased at the fact that he noticed.

"Puhple is my powah coolie. Wight mama?"

Pen nodded in agreement and repeated it back in an effort to try and work on her enunciation skills. "Right baby. Purple is your power color."

Maddie brightened at the acknowledgement from her parent before laying her head on Derek's shoulder not ready to let go of his embrace yet. Not that Derek seemed to mind, he readjusted his grip on the little girl, keeping her close as he walked towards the nosy crowd that had been peeking in on them. He looked back noticing Garcia was making her way to the kitchen stopping mid-way until she motioned for him to keep going saying she'd be right out to meet them.

Stopping by the kitchen to put the desert out of her bag into the fridge for later, she closed the door and stepped towards the island, releasing a tense breath she wasn't aware she was holding. Her whole body felt like it was on fire just from - whatever it was that happened in the foyer a few minutes ago - and her heart needed to stop racing if she was going to maintain a nice composure out there. She just needed to stay level headed and remind herself of the facts. '_Derek and I are just friends. We are just friends. It's fine. Shake it off woman..'_

"Oh honey, you and Derek have never been just friends."

Looking up in shock as she saw Emily walk over with a glass of white wine for her.

"I said that out loud?"

"More like mumbled it under your breath, but I've got some pretty nice listening skills."

She tried to take a sip of the wine but her stomach wasn't having any of it after the roller coaster of emotions she just put it through.

"A little off your game today, huh?"

Nodding quietly as she pursed her lips in thought, her head started shaking in disagreement.

"No. No this is - a bump we're just - friends Emily. He doesn't see me like that. I'm not his type. This is - I'm not.. I mean.,.. Oh god. Oh my god." Shaking her head as she put her glass down, she felt a wave of tears start to well up in her eyes.

"Hey, hey woah.. What's with the tears Garcia?" Laying her glass down she walks over to her friend, pulling her into a supportive hug. "This is a good thing. Love is a good thing."

Her words were meant to be supportive, but it just made her feel more uncomfortable. Releasing her from her embrace, Emily handed her the glass of wine again encouraging her to take small sips and take some deep breaths, close her eyes to calm herself down a bit. After a few minutes of rubbing her arm and watching as she downed the whole glass and then reached for hers, she smiled knowing her friend was completely oblivious to the power and effect she had on Derek.

"I'm fine, I just - I'm a bit emotional lately."

Nodding in silence, Emily watches as her friend, one of her best friends starts to acknowledge the obvious emotion in the room.

"… I love him, Emily. I do. I.." her voice cracks as her eyes well up again and she looks back down - "I love him."

"Then tell him."

"Tell who what?" Derek's voice startled them both, enough for her to drop her glass on the counter breaking the tension filled silence that had taken over the kitchen.

"Oh bugger!" Her reaction was automatic, avoid the topic and clean up the mess. Her bare hands reaching for the broken glass to scoop up caused more harm than good as the shards dug into her hands causing her to squeal and drop the shards on the ground making an even bigger mess of everything.

"Ooookay, Garcia seriously leave it alone. I'll clean it up. Go clean your hands okay," Emily responded watching as Derek made his way over to help her get out of the kitchen.

"I'm okay. I'm fine I just -"

"Let me take a look at it come on."

* * *

Derek dragged her out of the kitchen and headed towards the guest bathroom down the hall, trying to keep himself calm. His thoughts were muddled, and he wished he hadn't been eavesdropping because now his mind couldn't stop mulling over what she'd said to Emily. She loved someone else. She was in love. And he was going to lose her._ Again._ To another Kevin.

She used the toddler step stool to sit up on the counter while he grabbed the first aid kit and started to pull some shards out of her hands then using rubbing alcohol to clean the areas off. They were almost at eye level now with her all the way up on the counter. Her hand was throbbing, she was lucky it was only a few, and they weren't deep enough for her to require medical treatment. She'd most likely get it checked out later anyways, just to be safe. Derek was quiet and focused, his hands steady as he pulled the shards out gently. She was sure he couldn't feel the same heat and current running through her because he was touching her.

When he was done a few minutes later, he put some ointment on there and wrapped her hand up gently to help keep it from getting infected.

"Thank you."

She whispered it as she watched him quietly clean up after them, making it as if they weren't ever there. She was about to open her mouth again when he spoke up instead.

"Who is he?"

The gaze she gave him was one of confusion.

"The guy you were telling Emily about. The one you're -" He tried to clarify. But he couldn't even say it out loud. His stomach dropped at the thought of them missing another chance with each other. "I know I'm jumping some sort of - imaginary line, here… between us - but I can't just, lose you. Again. You know I was… the bigger guy, before, the better guy - last time and, and - and even though it killed me I just wanted you to be happy and I thought Kevin made you happy…"

She opened her mouth to interrupt him, but there wasn't any stopping him right now, he was pacing and muttering and adorably awkward it was almost as if they had switched roles.

"But this guy that - you know you love, he just - he can't make you as happy as I.. I can make you. I can make you happy, babygirl. I love you. And, and .. and I know that this is sudden and random but it's not- you've been, _my life_ for the past eight years and I've just - been too blind to see it. I'm sorry, I am so sorry for that. And, I know that some part of you is hesitating for a moment, and if there is a moment of hesitation, then that means you feel something too. All I ask, please, is that you just… don't..- don't dismiss that. Just give me a chance, I -

Her lips were on his before he even noticed that she had slipped off the counter on her own. It took him a millisecond to respond, his lips molded onto hers as she slipped her fingers of her undamaged hand behind his head to hold him close. Her body was on fire before their lips met, now it was as if she was melting into him as his hands held her up, sliding down to her bottom to pick her up and place her legs around him. She didn't even have a chance to feel self-conscious, his kiss became even more hungry, as her mouth opened and her head tilted to let his tongue slide in dancing between their mouths. They broke quietly, their harsh breaths showing the lack of oxygen that had become a necessity.

Her eyes were still closed as his face stayed near hers - they tried to get their bearings as he let her out of his arms slowly, causing her to slide down and open her eyes to watch him.

When his eyes opened, they were questioning - but she could tell, he was hopeful. He wanted it to mean something.

"I love you. You're the one I was telling Emily about. It's-.." she laughed a bit before she looked up at him, a blush covering her cheeks as her admissions came out of her mouth. "It's always been you."

He smiled. His hand was nearly touching hers and she had this strange feeling. Electric, like a current running from his skin to hers. The thin slit of distance between them was as tensely tangible as the moment between thunder and lightening. It lasted about as long as that too, as soon as her confession slipped out, his mouth was back on hers and she was back on the counter being lifted, wrapping her legs back around him as if it was already second nature to do so.

* * *

**Was it worth the wait guys? Please review if you read it. I didn't mean to take it this far, but I got so inspired when I started writing I just.. couldn't stop. **


End file.
